MHR Friday-Valentines Edition
Today's post comes from an article Katy Lin posted on her blog. I read it and was convicted instantly! These 10 Secrets to a Successful Marriage are so right! I tried to pick just one to talk about, but I could not decide. I want to talk about how a few of them have affected my marriage.
5. Change your mind, Change your marriage
How couples think and what they believe about their spouse affects how they perceive the other. What they expect and how they treat their spouse matters greatly.
I can't tell you how much I've learned by this. Marriage is definitely a place where you can become selfish and self absorbed. It's easy to think about only what you want and your own feelings. It takes a mature couple to realize they aren't the only one in this. Simply changing your mind about how you feel makes a huge difference. Matt used to always tell me "don't be bothered by that" or "don't let that hurt your feelings". It would always be something trivial and I would get worked up about it and start an argument that left us both wounded. Learning to simply change my mind about the way I let things effect me and the way I felt about Matt in those times changes my marriage dramatically.
6. The grass is greener where you water it
Successful couples have learned to resist the grass is greener myth – i.e. someone else will make me happy. They have learned to put their energy into making themselves and their marriage better.
Oh how I love this one! I learned the hard way what it meant to nurture your marriage. I think the easy way out of a marriage is divorce. The hard part is staying in there and making it. I think some couples believe that if they just had ______, their marriage would be so much better. Whether it be another person or a worldly possession, it's not the truth. Any thing that is hindering you to have a good marriage now, will carry on with you into your next relationship. In order to have a marriage like God intended for us to have, we have to continually nurture the relationship we have with our spouse. Feeding our lives with God's word and surrounding ourselves with godly examples of marriages changed our outlook on our own relationship.
8.Love is a verb, not just a feeling.
Everyday life wears away the "feel good side of marriage." Feelings, like happiness, will fluctuate. But, real love is based on a couple's vows of commitment: "For better or for worse" – when it feels good and when it doesn't.
This is one for Matt. I have to brag on him because this is something he tried to get me to understand for so long. I believe this world over uses the words "I love you". We've heard before the way people can water down this by saying they LOVE _____. (cheeseburgers, race cars, etc). Matt has always said that love has more to do with what you do than what you say. The feelings from the first date eventually go away. The butterflies fly away and the goo goo gaa gaa of love disappears. What remains is the true love that involves work and effort in the yucky times. Matt is excellent and showing me love everyday. He knows my love language and does his best to love in that way. He is usually first to apologize and the last to pick a fight. He sleeps with no covers most of the night, and never says a thing. He fixes breakfast for no special reason, cleans up without me asking, and always asks "what can I do for you today". I can't say enough about how Matt shows his love to me everyday.
This is one thing I need to be better at. I'm one of those who loves to do sweet things for my hubby when life is good, but when life gets bad, forget it! I need to try harder to change my mind and make the choice to show Matt love no matter the circumstance. That is a huge challenge for me, but this week- I'll take that challenge.
You can read the complete list here. Although I had heard many of these before, today they took on a new meaning to me.
These are the cutest shirts! I bought one for Sarabeth, me and Matt. You can get yours here!
You also get free shipping if you mention the Great Adventure Blog with your order. The girl who started the idea of MHR (not the blog) owns this tshirt company. She lives in Humble is an amazing girl with a great marriage story. You can check her story about why she started MHR here.
5. Change your mind, Change your marriage
How couples think and what they believe about their spouse affects how they perceive the other. What they expect and how they treat their spouse matters greatly.
I can't tell you how much I've learned by this. Marriage is definitely a place where you can become selfish and self absorbed. It's easy to think about only what you want and your own feelings. It takes a mature couple to realize they aren't the only one in this. Simply changing your mind about how you feel makes a huge difference. Matt used to always tell me "don't be bothered by that" or "don't let that hurt your feelings". It would always be something trivial and I would get worked up about it and start an argument that left us both wounded. Learning to simply change my mind about the way I let things effect me and the way I felt about Matt in those times changes my marriage dramatically.
6. The grass is greener where you water it
Successful couples have learned to resist the grass is greener myth – i.e. someone else will make me happy. They have learned to put their energy into making themselves and their marriage better.
Oh how I love this one! I learned the hard way what it meant to nurture your marriage. I think the easy way out of a marriage is divorce. The hard part is staying in there and making it. I think some couples believe that if they just had ______, their marriage would be so much better. Whether it be another person or a worldly possession, it's not the truth. Any thing that is hindering you to have a good marriage now, will carry on with you into your next relationship. In order to have a marriage like God intended for us to have, we have to continually nurture the relationship we have with our spouse. Feeding our lives with God's word and surrounding ourselves with godly examples of marriages changed our outlook on our own relationship.
8.Love is a verb, not just a feeling.
Everyday life wears away the "feel good side of marriage." Feelings, like happiness, will fluctuate. But, real love is based on a couple's vows of commitment: "For better or for worse" – when it feels good and when it doesn't.
This is one for Matt. I have to brag on him because this is something he tried to get me to understand for so long. I believe this world over uses the words "I love you". We've heard before the way people can water down this by saying they LOVE _____. (cheeseburgers, race cars, etc). Matt has always said that love has more to do with what you do than what you say. The feelings from the first date eventually go away. The butterflies fly away and the goo goo gaa gaa of love disappears. What remains is the true love that involves work and effort in the yucky times. Matt is excellent and showing me love everyday. He knows my love language and does his best to love in that way. He is usually first to apologize and the last to pick a fight. He sleeps with no covers most of the night, and never says a thing. He fixes breakfast for no special reason, cleans up without me asking, and always asks "what can I do for you today". I can't say enough about how Matt shows his love to me everyday.
This is one thing I need to be better at. I'm one of those who loves to do sweet things for my hubby when life is good, but when life gets bad, forget it! I need to try harder to change my mind and make the choice to show Matt love no matter the circumstance. That is a huge challenge for me, but this week- I'll take that challenge.
You can read the complete list here. Although I had heard many of these before, today they took on a new meaning to me.
These are the cutest shirts! I bought one for Sarabeth, me and Matt. You can get yours here!
You also get free shipping if you mention the Great Adventure Blog with your order. The girl who started the idea of MHR (not the blog) owns this tshirt company. She lives in Humble is an amazing girl with a great marriage story. You can check her story about why she started MHR here.
Comments
I absolutely enjoyed this blog. I can totally identify with matt. He sounds alot like my husband. And it gives me hope. You've learned alot, and we get to benefit from your knowledge. I have also put in an order for those t-shirts. Sarabeth looked adorable!! I just had to have some.....
Many Many Thanks-
Kristin
I didn't realize she lived in Humble and I've been following it for a while. Silly me!
Talk to you soon!