This Fleeting Life

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Today I found myself thinking about my sister Alayna.
It's not unusual for me to think about her, I do it everyday. However, for some reason I was not really sad about her. My family thinks I never took time to grieve when my sister passed away. I was too busy being "Martha" and didn't take the time to think about it. Not true. I've thought about her and her death for over 2 years now. I wonder why God wanted her back so quickly. I wonder why HER. I want to ask God why he didn't heal her while we prayed on our knees by her hospital bed. Why would my God take away this child from my parents and leave them with a huge hole in their life?

Lately I've read and heard about so much sadness in people's lives, losing children...a mother's worse fear. It hurts my heart and makes me think about Sarabeth and what I would do if God chose to take her. The thought sends me into near cardiac arrest. It makes me overwhelmed with all of the things I should be doing to protect her. Am I feeding her out of a bottle that is going to give her cancer one day because it is plastic? If my baby monitor dies will she stop breathing and then I won't know until its too late? What if she gets sick because I vaccinated her too much or too early? Is she going to the right day care, what do they do when I'm not watching? Is my car seat safe enough? Thinking of these things can drive a mom nuts...just ask one.

I've decided that there is NOTHING I can do to change the life God has planned out for my child. She is his and he can take her back when he wants and I can't stop him. What I can do is love on her just as he does and trust in Him. Psalm 20:7 "Some trust in chariots and some in horses, but we trust in the name of the Lord our God."

One day, all who believe, will live in this place with Christ. I cling to the truth that tells me I will be reunited with my sister one day and I will see her smiling face again.

I pray my children outlive me, but I cannot think about what things of this world can help me make that happen. I can only trust in the hope that comes from none other than Jesus.

Comments

Bonnie said…
April you are so wise. I think about a lot of the things you have said me over the few years I've known you. Your words have stuck with me.
1:35 PM
Team Villarreal said…
You know April I think just like you do. I wonder everyday about my babies and if everything will turn out. It's scary these days now of the things you don't know or can't see. It's tough being parents but you have to protect your babies to the fullest!!
I miss you guys we need to do dinner one night!!
4:13 PM
Chattyb said…
April, you have a beautiful way of expressing the unspoken fears of mothers everywhere, and then, the spiritual insights into how we as followers of Christ must deal with them. I sometimes think that if I actually acknowledge a fear that somehow that will bring it to happen. I know that is not true, of course, but your boldness in confronting this issue is truly inspirational. Thank you, dear heart, for reminding me of this profound truth--God loves us so much, He's in control, and all we can do is give Him our lives and our loved ones to do with as He will.

I feel your sadness at the loss of Alayna; I still feel so very sad at the loss of my precious mother and brother. Your words have challenged me to look deeper into my own faith for solace.

You are a treasure.
4:30 PM
Cheryl said…
Oh, how I have tried to cling to the things I think will protect those around me, especially my children. I understand exactly what you are saying and how you feel,but they are His. I cling more to the hope I have in Him and rest peacefully all my worries and anxieties at His feet. Becoming a Mother has taught me the most about how to truly trust in the Lord. Thank you for sharing your heart and God's Truth. I am blessed to call you my sister in the Landes family and as well as a sister in Christ.
6:34 PM
Jake said…
I know that from a dad's standpoint, we don't think maybe so frequently about these things, but these feelings are definitely present nonetheless. I'm like mom (Chattyb), maybe I tune these thoughts out because I don't want them to ever come true. But, as you have said so well, we truly can face these fears with peace only because the Lord is in control. I love it when he takes the pressure off of me. :)
11:44 AM
Lindsay said…
What a beautiful post. So much wisdom. Thank you for the encouragement!
6:57 PM
Chris and Kim said…
It is funny that you posted on this issue, because as a new Mom I think about this all the time. I actually just had a horrible dream where Evan was killed and I woke up sobbing...Thank you for the wonderful advice on how to deal with this issue; it is something that I needed to hear right now!
4:44 PM
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